The Blog that changed my life.

First off, let me just say...see how bad I am at updating?
Secondly..my life may have just changed in the course of one day. Not kidding.

I don't really know how to start this, my brain is in a thousand different places and contemplating a thousand different things. So bear with me.
You know what - scratch that. I just wrote a bunch of things down and erased it. I'll save it for another blog post.

ANYWAY....
I am sitting here on my laptop, it is 10 pm. My kids are sleeping and my home is mess. I should be cleaning it. I am obviously not doing that. Because my heart is undergoing a great change, and my brain is trying to keep up. I am in my pj's. I didn't think life changing events could take place while you were in your pj's. I didn't think a lot of things could take place...and now I think differently.
Let me be perfectly open and honest with you. And let me share this.

I never thought I would make a good mommy to an adopted child. I can't even tell you why I thought this. Who sits down and thinks that? And why? Because I never really considered adopting a kid. Ever. EVER. Because I thought it would be weird. And there would be WAY to many issues. And I would just look at him or her and think deep down "that's not really my child." And I thought I would live the perfect housewife life with ten of my own babies and raise them to be honorable, God-centered individuals. Adoption was never a factor. That was for someone else. I hear about the struggles of children in orphanages and children suffering in other countries and think "that's not my problem." I may not have said it in words, but I said it in actions.

Anyway, I was wasting time today as usual surfing the Internet and came upon a blog called Building the Blocks. It's about a mother of nine. 4 the natural way, 5 adopted. 3 internationally, 2 through the foster system. Her story is beautiful. For whatever reason I can't make the links work right now, but visit her at http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/
Her page led me to the blog that I will probably love forever and cherish always.
It's called Recovering Noah. Check her out here: http://recoveringnoah.blogspot.com/

It's a blog written by a mom with three internationally adopted children. One with severe autism. I can't even tell you why or how or whatever...I just know that reading her posts on her daily struggles with her son (and her other two children who are also dealing with issues) made my heart break. And not because she's struggling. At least not with attitude. She loves what she is doing and what she writes is so...real. She doesn't say that it's easy. Far from it. She breaks down and she is burdened. But it is the greatest thing that has ever happened to her. That much is clear.

Point is, I did a LOT of soul searching. And realized how wretched I really am. Honestly. Here I sit, with two BEAUTIFUL babies who are healthy and thriving, and I am snubbing my nose to millions of kids out there who are suffering and dying. My kids are hitting every developmental milestone on time, while some of these children will never be able to walk. My kids are going to the zoo on Saturday, some of these babies will spend the rest of their short lives in their cribs. My kids have so much love surrounding them, and those children out there in no-where-ville will never receive a hug or a kiss. Some of them will, but plenty more won't.
And before I go on, let me just say that I am not writing this to make anyone feel guilty or come to the same life changing thoughts and opinions I have. I am simply trying to share what has been on my heart today and maybe raise some awareness.

Anyway, Recovering Noah led me too Reese's Rainbow which is an International down Syndrome Orphan Ministry. Go here:http://reecesrainbow.org/new-family/thechildren and click on the links on the side, and tell me your heart doesn't break for these poor kids. I read over so many of the profiles, and lots of these babies were found outside abandoned and alone. Many more were left at hospitals after they were born. Some are only dealing with down syndrome, others have multiple health problems. And though some of them are in orphanage's that are able to care for them and provide them with stable living conditions, I came across this, "This orphanage has a history of medicating the children, so many of them look sleepy and zoned out in their photos." and this, "Regrettably, this orphanage is one of the poorer ones, with very little outside aid and very little hope. All of the children are tiny and undernourished. These children are immediately transferred at 4, and have little chance of survival where they are sent." FAR too often.
Not only that, but once they reach age 4, many orphanages consider them "un-adoptable" and have them institutionalized. Once there, they cannot be adopted and have very little hope of survival. They won't even live out their final days in happiness or comfort. I'm not making this stuff up people. This is REAL. And it is breaking my heart.

There is so much pain and suffering in the world that we turn a blind eye too because it doesn't directly affect us. Looking at these poor babies, who are begging for love, makes me feel like the coldest, cruelest person in the world for ignoring their plight for so long. How many of those babies are dead or dying right now, and have no one there to comfort them? How many of them are hurting, while I sit here in my cozy pj's drinking fresh water and typing on my laptop? How many? Too many. Much too many. My babies are here with me, safe and warm. Those babies are cold and sick, and have no one.

Now anyone who knows me and is reading this probably thinks I have gone off the deep end, but I promise you I haven't. And I'm not going to run out tomorrow and adopt a bunch of babies from India. Far from it. I simply want to share with you the tiny miracle I believe God worked in me today. And that is simply...never say never. I NEVER thought I would even CONSIDER adopting a baby. Never ever. But now my heart is open. And if a few years from now, that is where God leads me, then Lord...here I am. Use me.
Luke 12:48b - For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

Fall

Hello OCTOBER!

I just restarted blogging, and already changed my backround three times. It's gonna be a wild ride blogger.

At any rate, I think fall might have surpassed spring as my favorite season. Or maybe became a VERY close second. Or maybe even a tie? Not that it's all that important. As far as seasons go, I enjoy winter for about a week...maybe a month if I am in a really good mood...and then proceed to hate it with a fiery passion that I wish was enough to burn up all the snow. Actually I just hate winter after Christmas because after that it's just cold and pointlessly so. I love spring so much because I hate winter, and it's the most beautiful thing to start hearing birds in the morning and to go outside without ten layers. Summer is alright for the most part, but I don't enjoy melting and I especially don't enjoy it when I have to carry kids and diaper bags and purses and water bottles and the list goes on and on. Maybe I'll enjoy it more as the kids get older.

But Fall...there's like nothing bad you could say about Fall. It might rain, there might be an abundance of leaves all over the place, it might be a little chilly, but honestly, WHO CARES? It's beautiful and I love the coziness of it all. It's like the calm before the winter storm. If each season had a face, I think Fall would have the most pleasant. Maybe not the youngest or the prettiest, but the most comfortable and pleasing. Like an old friend.

To sum it all up, my favorite seasons from most to least are: Fall-Spring, Summer, and Winter.

Facinating.

Anywho, Fall never really begins until October for me. September is like a blah month - pointless really. (But I could still be bitter about September because that month meant school...) Now that it's October that means pumpkin patch, apple cider, caramel apples, costumes for the boys, and all other random Fall things. It's just awesome. And now that Booburt is almost two and he's starting to enjoy things more, I can't wait to see how much he enjoys the season with us and the rest of the family. That's the best part after all :)

I wish I lived here. Except maybe a little farther back from the water...I'm not a fan of floods.

Did I ever mention that if I ever had a daughter I would like to name her Autumn?