So I have a really long and complicated story to tell.
It's very long and very complicated.
And I was debating about what I should do with it. Because I don't know if it's a good story or a bad one. Or if it's even worth telling.
I thought numerous times about writing a book, but I don't know how many people will find it encouraging or discouraging. I don't know how many people will read the first chapter and be so filled with revulsion and false judgements that they'll declare me the worst Christian in the world and tear my book to shreds. I just don't know.
And really, I don't care what people think, I just don't want to cause friction. Or dishonor the Lord in any way.
But what does God want me to do with this story? To be honest, I don't really know that either. I would like to think that He wants me to share it, if only so that my mistakes may be made an example of and so that I can bring glory to God through a few of my triumphs. I still have a lot to pray about and a lot to think over. A lot of falling to my knees and asking for wisdom. A lot of that for sure.
And really, my story isn't even over. I have so very far to go. And hopefully the best has yet to come. And the worst is over. Hopefully that is true, but you never know. God knows, so that is why I have to trust in Him and know that He knows best.
Anyway, I decided that since I don't have a million readers out there, maybe now would be a good time to share my story. Maybe the followers I do have and the ones who read through Facebook are my first audience so to speak. Maybe this is the time to open up and speak out. Maybe I can alter someone's life for the better through my story. Maybe I can stop someone from making a wrong choice. Maybe I can help give someone hope.
Maybe you'll finish reading my story and say "That's it? That's all? That was nothing special."
I don't know. God does. But I don't know.
It will take me a long time to get out. I'll have to post it in parts or else I probably won't have another blog post for a few months until I had enough time to sit and get it all out.
But there you are, I have a story to tell. 100% honest and 100% mine. God was not at the center of all of it, as He should have been. But he was always there. Watching and waiting, sometimes grieving, other times celebrating. He has been very patient with me and much too gracious. And always forgiving. Always dusting me off and lifting me back up again.
God, may my story bring you honor and glory first and foremost. May your light shine through me through the telling of it. May my heart be open and my words be wise so that my story may help a soul, and heal the final wounds on my heart.
Stay tuned.
2 comments:
Jessica, I'm looking forward to reading your story. I'm not sure what it's going to be, but it sounds like God has placed it on your heart to share.
I've considered sharing the story of my journey with the Lord...my testimony...on my blog many times. But, I hold back because parts of it are parts I'd rather forget.
I loved this paragraph that you wrote...
"But there you are, I have a story to tell. 100% honest and 100% mine. God was not at the center of all of it, as He should have been. But he was always there. Watching and waiting, sometimes grieving, other times celebrating. He has been very patient with me and much too gracious. And always forgiving. Always dusting me off and lifting me back up again."
Thank you for the encouragement. I also have parts I'd rather forget, but I think part of the healing process, at least for me, is sharing what I've learned. Sharing how the Lord changed and healed me. It's not pretty baring your soul to the world, ugly sins and all, but I hope someone gets something out of it. I always like reading people's testimonies because it is encouraging to me when I am in a dark place to know there is always that light at the end of the tunnel :)
thanks again!
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